Cruise ships can feel wonderfully romantic, especially when you’re watching the sunset from your balcony with a glass of bubbly.
But how private are those balconies really – and what happens if things get a little too romantic?
Let’s clear up some common myths about cruise ship balconies and what’s actually allowed when it comes to public displays of affection at sea.
Your Balcony Isn’t as Private as You Think
Balconies are not always as private as you might think. Some cruise ships have balconies that are overlooked, either by other balconies or by the public deck above. Meanwhile, others might have dividers to the left and right that aren’t entirely opaque.
So while a quick kiss under the stars is fine, anything more is best kept inside your cabin.
There are cameras
Cruise ships are equipped with cameras that monitor the outside areas, because if they didn’t and someone went missing, then they would have no way to check whether that person had fallen overboard.
So yes, your balcony may well have a security camera pointed at it. That means anything that happens on your balcony could be visible to the security team.
If it is, don’t expect the security staff to leave you to it – they could get in trouble if they didn’t act.
It’s probably more likely that you would get a warning though, if you weren’t visible to the other guests. But this would still be quite embarrassing for most people (unless you’re exceptionally confident).
Sound Travels
Cabin walls are surprisingly thin. If you’re laughing, chatting loudly, or playing music, your neighbours will hear it.
And as for being outside? Well, you can hear every word of your neighbours conversations. So make of that what you will.
I once heard a couple getting frisky through the plughole in the shower in my cabin. I imagine they would have been embarrassed if they’d have known.
You could get kicked off the ship
Every cruise line enforces strict policies about behaviour on board. Anything that could be considered indecent or disruptive may lead to a warning, a fine, or even being asked to disembark.
Public indecency is a crime and yes, laws do apply at sea.
If you break the law then the cruise ship is within its rights to ask you to leave the ship at the next port of call, no matter where that is, either to be dealt with by the police or just to make your own way home.
In 2019, a couple were removed from the Mein Schiff cruise ship because they were making love loudly with the balcony door open.
Plus, leaving aside all the light-hearted discussion, most cruise ships are family-friendly these days. It’s not just a worry about another adult seeing you, but there could easily be a child that catches a glimpse if you’re in view of other balconies or public decks.
So you really need to think twice about whether you want to risk doing anything dodgy your balcony, not just because of the legal ramifications, but the moral ones too.
You could fall overboard
Depending on your chosen positions and how energetically you’re going at it, who’s to say you couldn’t fall overboard if you were leaning on your balcony in any way? Particularly if things get a little bit frenetic, you might get carried away and not realise just how much danger you’re in.
In 2007, a 22-year-old man and a 20-year-old woman both fell overboard on a Princess Cruises ship in the Gulf of Mexico. Luckily, they were both retrieved, unclothed, from the water.
Is it really worth the risk, when there’s a perfectly good bed just a couple of metres away?
If you’re going to ignore me anyway…
I can only make recommendations on why you shouldn’t get intimate cruise ship balcony, but I’m not your boss.
You might be adamant that it’s going to happen, and if that’s the case, then at least consider one of these options for your safety (and to minimise the risk of getting caught).
1. Book a Cove Balcony
You can find a Cove Balcony on Carnival’s Excel-class, Vista-class and Dream-class ships. They’re also on P&O Cruises’ Iona and Arvia, as well as some Disney and Cunard ships.
These balconies are more enclosed, having sides and a bottom-half railing made from a solid steel panel.
This means they’re much more private, so you won’t be anywhere near as visible. There’s no overhang to worry about, and you still get that ‘outdoors’ experience, even if the opening of the balcony is a little smaller.
You still need to be careful with noise, but at least you will have that extra seclusion.
2. Book a Balcony with a hammock
One way to maybe hide what you’re getting up to is to try out the hammock. Virgin Voyages’ Sea Terrace rooms come with a hammock already installed, although it’s sheer so you might want to stay clothed and wear a floaty dress while you do it.
Be mindful of the weight limit though. It’s 330lbs (150kg), so these hammocks aren’t really designed for two.
Many people take their own hammocks on cruises. You’ll need to check with the crew on the rules around hanging it, since some may not allow it (it’s quite the risk if you fell out near the balcony edge). But provided it’s hung on a larger balcony away from the railing you should be OK.
Of course, getting it on in a hammock is probably a bit of adventure in itself, so have fun trying.
3. Book a Balcony with a hot tub
There are a selection of cruise lines that offer balcony hot tubs in some of their suites.
These include Royal Caribbean’s Royal Suite, some of the suites on MSC Cruises ships, the Pinnacle Suite on Holland America Line’s Eurodam, and both the Haven Spa Suites on Norwegian Escape and the Owner’s Suites on Norwegian Sky for NCL.
At least in a hot tub, you’re partially covered and, if you’re leaving some swimwear on, you can probably be quite subtle about what you’re getting up to.
It’s still a risk, and certain movements are going to be pretty obvious, but these suites are pretty private so, in theory, you should get away with it. But don’t blame me if you don’t!
The bottom line
Cruise ships are full of magical, intimate moments —-sunset strolls, stargazing on deck or a quiet dinner for two.
But remember that balconies are semi-public spaces. Keep things romantic, not risky, and you’ll avoid any awkward conversations with ship security.
And while you’re here, take a look at this list of things you should never do on your balcony. You may be surprised to discover that topless sunbathing isn’t on there!
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Jenni Fielding is the founder of Cruise Mummy. She has worked in the cruise industry since 2015 and has taken over 30 cruises. Now, she helps over 1 million people per month to plan their perfect cruise holidays.
